How to be resilient 8 steps to success when life gets hard

How to be resilient 8 steps to success when life gets hardHow to be resilient 8 steps to success when life gets hardStick with itBe resilientNever give upI seea lot of stuff about resilience, persistence and grit. What I dont see is a lot of legitimate info on how to actually increase those qualities.How can we be mora resilient? How can we shrug off huge challenges in life, persist and - in the end - succeed?SoI looked atthe fruchtwein difficultscenarios for insight. (Who needs resilience in easy situations, right?)When life and death is on the line, what do the winners do that the losers dont?Turns out survivingthe fruchtwein dangerous situations has some good lessonswe canuse tolearn how to beresilient in everyday life.Whether its dealing with unemployment, a difficult job, orpersonal tragedies, here are insights that can help.1) Perceive And believeThe companyalready had two rounds of layoffs this year but I never thought they would letmego.Yeah, the argument welches getting a little heated but I didnt think he was going tohitme.The first thing to do when facing difficulty is to make koranvers you recognize it as soon as possible.Sounds obvious but weve allbeen in denial at one point or another. What do people who survive life-threatening situations have in common?They move through those stages of grief from denial to acceptancefasterViaDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhyThey immediately begin to recognize, acknowledge, and even accept the reality of their situation They move through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance very rapidly.Whats that thing doctors say when theyre able to successfully treat a medical problem?Good thing we caught it early.When you stay oblivious or live in denial, things get worse - often in a hurry. When you know youre in trouble you can act.Nobody is saying paranoia is good but research shows a littleworrying is correlated with living a longer life.(For mora on how a little negativity can make you happie r, clickhere.)Okay, like they say in AA, you admitted you have a problem. Whats the next thing the most resilient people do?2)Manage your emotionsSometimes when scuba diversdrownthey still have air in their oxygen tanks. Seriously.How is this possible? Something goes wrong, they panic, and instinctivelypull the regulator out of their mouth.ViaDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhyM. Ephimia Morphew, a psychologist and founder of the Society for Human wertmiger zuwachs in Extreme Environments, told me of a series of accidents shed been studying in which scuba divers were found dead with air in their tanks and perfectly functional regulators. Only they had pulled the regulators out of their mouths and drowned. It took a long time for researchers to figure out what was going on. It appears that certain people suffer an intense feeling of suffocation when their mouths are covered. That led to an overpowering impulse to uncover the mouth and nose. The victims had followed an emotiona l response that was in general a good one for the organism, to get air. But it was the wrong response under the special, non-natural, circumstances of scuba diving.When youre having trouble breathing whats mora naturalthan to clear an obstruction from your mouth?Now just a brief second of clearthinkingtells you this is averybad idea whilediving - but when you panic, youcantthink clearly.Rashdecision makingrarely delivers optimal results in everyday life either.Resilient people acknowledge difficultsituations, keep calm and evaluate things rationally so they can make a plan and act.ViaDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhyAl Siebert, in his bookThe Survivor Personality, writes that The best survivors spend almost no time, especially in emergencies, getting upset about what has been lost, or feeling distressed about things going badly. For this reason they dont usually take themselves too seriously and are therefore hard to threaten.(For methods Navy SEALS, astronauts and the sam urai useto keep calm under pressure, clickhere.)So you know youre in trouble but youre keeping your cool. Might there be a simple way to sidestep all ansicht problems? Yeah.3) Be a quitterMany of you might be a little confused right nowA secret to resilience is quitting? That doesnt make any sense.What do we see when we look at people who survive life and death situations? Many of them were smart enough to bail early.ViaDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhyIts a matter of looking at yourself and assessing your own abilities and where you are mentally, and then realizing that its better to turn back and get a chance to do it again than to go for it and not come back at all. We are a society of high achievers, but in the wilderness, such motivation can be deadlyThe best way to take a punch from a UFC fighter and to survive a hurricane are the saatkorn Dont be there when it hits.You quit baseball when you were 10 and quit playing the pianoafter just 2 lessons.Nobody sticks witheve rything. You cant.When the company starts laying people off, theres always one guy smart enough to immediately jump ship and preemptively geta new job.And some people are smart enough to realize, I am never going to be a great Tango dancer and should double my efforts at playing poker.And you know what results this schriftart of quitting has? It makes you happier, reduces stress and increases health.ViaThink Like a Freak The Authors of Freakonomics Offer to Retrain Your BrainWrosch found that people who quit their unattainable goals saw physical and psychological benefits. They have, for example, less depressive symptoms, less negative affect over time, he says. They also have lower cortisol levels, and they have lower levels of systemic inflammation, which is a marker of immune functioning. And they develop fewer physical health problems over time.You can do anything - when you stop trying to do everything.(For more on how to determine what you should stick with and what you should abandon, clickhere.)Okay, so maybe you cant bail and really do need to be resilient. What does the research say you can do to have more grit? It sounds crazy4) Be delusionalMarshall Goldsmithdid a study of incrediblysuccessful people. Afterassembling all the data he realized the thing they all had in common.And then he shoutedThese successful people are all delusionalViaSupersurvivors The Surprising Link Between Suffering and SuccessThis is not to be misinterpreted as a bad thing. In fact, being delusional helps us become more effective. By definition, these delusions dont have to be accurate. If they were totally accurate, your goals would be too low. Goldsmith noticed that although illusions of control expose people to risk of failure, they do something else that is very interesting they motivate people to keep trying even when theyve failed Successful people fail a lot, but they try a lot, too. When things dont work, they move on until an idea does work. Survivors and great entr epreneurs have this in common.Crazy successful people and people who survive tough situations are all overconfident.Very overconfident.Some of you may be scratching your headIsnt step one all about not being in denial? About facing reality?You need to makea distinction between denialabout the situationand overconfidencein your abilities.The first one is very bad, butthe second one can be surprisingly good.binnensee the world accurately - but believe you are a rockstar.ViaSupersurvivors The Surprising Link Between Suffering and SuccessDenying or distorting a bad situation may be comforting in the short term, but its potentially harmful in the long run because it will be almost impossible to solve a problem unless you first admit you have one. In contrast, having an especially strong belief in ones personal capabilities, even if that belief is somewhat illusory, probably helps you to solve problems A useful, if somewhat simplistic, mathematical formula might be a realistic view of th e situation + a strong view of ones ability to control ones destiny through ones efforts = grounded hope.(For more on what the most successful people have in common, clickhere.)So this is how superheroes must feel theres definitely trouble, but youre calm and you feel like youre awesome enough to flossele this.But we need to move past feelings. Whatactionsare going to see you through this mess?5) Prepare even if its too late for preparationFolks, I firmly believe there is no such thing as a pretty good alligator wrestler.Who survives life threatening situations? People who have done it before. People who have prepared.Now even if you cant truly prepare for a layoff or a divorce, you can work to havegood productive habits and eliminate wasteful ones.Good habits dont tax yourwillpoweras much as deliberate actions and will help you be more resilient.How do you survive a WW2 shipwreckand shark attacks?Keep preparing for the future, even when youre in the midst of trouble.ViaSurviving Su rvival The Art and Science of ResilienceAs the days went by, he continued to concentrate on strategies for survival. At one point, a rubber life belt floated by and he grabbed it. He had heard that the Japanese would use aircraft to strafe shipwrecked Americans. The life belt could be blown up through a rubber tube. He cut the tube off and kept it, reasoning that if the Japanese spotted them, he could slip under water and breathe through the tube. He was planning ahead. He had a future in his mind, and good survivors always concentrate on the present but plan for the future. Thus, taking it day by day, hour by hour, and sometimes minute by minute, did Don McCall endure.One caveat as learning expertDan Coylerecommends, make sure anyprep you do is as close to the real scenario as possible.Bad training can be worse than no training. When police practicedisarming criminals they often conclude by handing the gun to their partner.One officer trained this so perfectly that in the field he took a gun from a criminal - and instinctively handed it right back.ViaMake It StickJohnson recounts how officers are trained to take a gun from an assailant at close quarters, a maneuver they practice by role-playing with a fellow officer. It requires speed and deftness striking an assailants wrist with one hand to break his grip while simultaneously wresting the gun free with the other. Its a move that officers had been in the habit of honing through repetition, taking the gun, handing it back, taking it again. Until one of their officers, on a call in the field, took the gun from an assailant and handed it right back again.(For more on how to develop good habits - and get rid of bad ones, clickhere.)Youreexpecting the best but preparedfor the worst. Perfect. Is now the time to de-stress? Heck, no.6) Stay busy, busy, busyWhats the best way to survive and keep your emotions in check when things are hard? Work, work, work.ViaSurviving Survival The Art and Science of ResilienceReme mber the saying Get organized or die. In the wake of trauma, Work, work, work, as Richard Mollica wrote. He is a psychiatrist at Harvard who studies trauma. This is the single most important goal of traumatized people throughout the world. The hands force order on the mind.When things go bad, people get sad or scared, retreat and distract themselves. That can quell the emotions, but it doesnt get you out of this mess.Resilient people know that staying busy not only gets you closer to your goals but its also the best way to stay calm.And believe it or not, were allhappier when were busy.(For more on what the most productive people in the world do every day, clickhere.)Youre hustlin. Thats good. But its hard to keep that can-do attitude when things arent going well. Whats another secret to hanging in there?7) Make it a gameIn his book Touching the Void, Joe Simpson tells the harrowing story of how he broke his leg 19,000 feet up while climbing a mountain.Actually he didnt break his le g he shattered it. Like marbles in a sock. His calf bone driven through his knee joint.He and his climbing partner assumedhe was a dead man. But he survived.One of his secrets was making his slow, painful descent into a game.ViaDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhySimpson was learning what it means to be playful in such circumstances A pattern of movements developed after my initial wobbly hops and I meticulously repeated the pattern. Each pattern made up one step across the slope and I began to feel detached from everything around me. I thought of nothing but the patterns. His struggle had become a dance, and the dance freed him from the terror of what he had to do.How does this work? Its neuroscience. Patterned activities stimulate the saatkorn reward center cocaine does.ViaSurviving Survival The Art and Science of ResilienceAnd tellingly, a structure within the basal ganglia is activated during feelings of safety, reward, and simply feeling great. Its called the striatum and drugs such as cocaine set it off, but so does the learning of a new habit or skill and the performance of organized, patterned activitiesEven boring things can be fun if you turn them into a game with stakes, challenges and little rewards.And we can use this same system for everyday problemsHow many resumes can you send out today? Can you beat yesterday?Celebrating small winsissomething survivors have in common.ViaDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhySurvivors take great joy from even their smallest successes. That is an important step in creating an ongoing feeling of motivation and preventing the descent into hopelessness. It also provides relief from the unspeakable stress of a true survival situation.(For more on how to increasegratitude and happiness, clickhere.)Youre a machine. Making progress despite huge challenges. Whats the final way to take your resilience to the next level? Other people.8) Get help and give helpGetting help is good. Thats obvious. But sometimes wer e ashamed or embarrassed and fail to ask for it. Dont let pride get in the way.Whats more fascinating is thateven in the worst of times, giving help can helpyou.By taking on the role of caretaker we increase the feeling ofmeaning in our lives. This helps people in the worst situations succeed.Leon Weliczker survived the Holocaust not only because of his resourcefulness - but also because he felt he had to protect his brother.ViaSurviving Survival The Art and Science of ResilienceWhen his fifteen-year-old brother Aaron came in, Leon was suddenly filled with love and a feeling of responsibility for the two boys. He was shedding the cloak of the victim in favor of the role of the rescuer. Terrence Des Pres, in his bookThe Survivor, makes the point that in the journey of survival, helping someone else is as important as getting help.Sometimes being selfless isthe best way to be selfish. And the research shows thatgivers are among the most successful peopleand theylive longer.ViaDeep Su rvival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhyHelping someone else is the best way to ensure your own survival. It takes you out of yourself. It helps you to rise above your fears. Now youre a rescuer, not a victim. And seeing how your leadership and skill buoy others up gives you more focus and energy to persevere. The cycle reinforces itself You buoy them up, and their response buoys you up. Many people who survive alone report that they were doing it for someone else (a wife, boyfriend, mother, son) back home.(For more on how helping others can also help you, clickhere.)So once the threat is passed, once the dust has settled, can we have a normal life again? Actually, sometimes, life can be even better.Sum upSo when life is daunting and we need resilience, keep in mindPerceive And BelieveManage Your EmotionsBe A QuitterBe DelusionalPrepare Even If Its Too Late For PreparationStay Busy, Busy, BusyMake It A GameGet Help And Give HelpTo live full lives some amount of difficulty is essential.Vi aSurviving Survival The Art and Science of ResilienceRichard Tedeschi, a psychologist who treats post-traumatic stress, said that to achieve the greatest psychological health, some kind of suffering is necessary.You can meet lifes challenges with resilience, competence and grace.And when the troublesare over, science agrees what does not kill youcan in factmake you stronger.Join more than 320,000 readers and get a free weekly update via schmelzglashere.Related postsWhat 10 things should you do every day to improve your life?How To Make Your Life Better By Sending Five Simple Emails4 Lifehacks From Ancient Philosophers That Will Make You HappierThis article first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.How to be resilient 8 steps to success when life gets hardStick with itBe resilientNever give upI seea lot of stuff about resilience, persistence and grit. What I dont see is a lot of legitimate info on how to actually increase those qualities.How can we be more resilient? How can we shr ug off huge challenges in life, persist and - in the end - succeed?SoI looked atthe most difficultscenarios for insight. (Who needs resilience in easy situations, right?)When life and death is on the line, what do the winners do that the losers dont?Turns out survivingthe most dangerous situations has some good lessonswe canuse tolearn how to beresilient in everyday life.Whether its dealing with unemployment, a difficult job, orpersonal tragedies, here are insights that can help.1) Perceive and believeThe companyalready had two rounds of layoffs this year but I never thought they would letmego.Yeah, the argument was getting a little heated but I didnt think he was going tohitme.The first thing to do when facing difficulty is to make sure you recognize it as soon as possible.Sounds obvious but weve allbeen in denial at one point or another. What do people who survive life-threatening situations have in common?They move through those stages of grief from denial to acceptancefasterVi aDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhyThey immediately begin to recognize, acknowledge, and even accept the reality of their situation They move through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance very rapidly.Whats that thing doctors say when theyre able to successfully treat a medical problem?Good thing we caught it early.When you stay oblivious or live in denial, things get worse - often in a hurry. When you know youre in trouble you can act.Nobody is saying paranoia is good but research shows a littleworrying is correlated with living a longer life.(For more on how a little negativity can make you happier, clickhere.)Okay, like they say in AA, you admitted you have a problem. Whats the next thing the most resilient people do?2)Manage your emotionsSometimes when SCUBA diversdrownthey still have air in their oxygen tanks. Seriously.How is this possible? Something goes wrong, they panic, and instinctivelypull the regulator out of their mouth.ViaDeep Survival Who Liv es, Who Dies, and WhyM. Ephimia Morphew, a psychologist and founder of the Society for Human Performance in Extreme Environments, told me of a series of accidents shed been studying in which scuba divers were found dead with air in their tanks and perfectly functional regulators. Only they had pulled the regulators out of their mouths and drowned. It took a long time for researchers to figure out what was going on. It appears that certain people suffer an intense feeling of suffocation when their mouths are covered. That led to an overpowering impulse to uncover the mouth and nose. The victims had followed an emotional response that was in general a good one for the organism, to get air. But it was the wrong response under the special, non-natural, circumstances of scuba diving.When youre having trouble breathing whats more naturalthan to clear an obstruction from your mouth?Now just a brief second of clearthinkingtells you this is averybad idea whilediving - but when you panic, yo ucantthink clearly.Rashdecision makingrarely delivers optimal results in everyday life either.Resilient people acknowledge difficultsituations, keep calm and evaluate things rationally so they can make a plan and act.ViaDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhyAl Siebert, in his bookThe Survivor Personality, writes that The best survivors spend almost no time, especially in emergencies, getting upset about what has been lost, or feeling distressed about things going badly. For this reason they dont usually take themselves too seriously and are therefore hard to threaten.(For methods Navy SEALS, astronauts and the samurai useto keep calm under pressure, clickhere.)So you know youre in trouble but youre keeping your cool. Might there be a simple way to sidestep all these problems? Yeah.3) Be a quitterMany of you might be a little confused right nowA secret to resilience is quitting? That doesnt make any sense.What do we see when we look at people who survive life and death situations ? Many of them were smart enough to bail early.ViaDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhyIts a matter of looking at yourself and assessing your own abilities and where you are mentally, and then realizing that its better to turn back and get a chance to do it again than to go for it and not come back at all. We are a society of high achievers, but in the wilderness, such motivation can be deadlyThe best way to take a punch from a UFC fighter and to survive a hurricane are the same Dont be there when it hits.You quit baseball when you were 10 and quit playing the pianoafter just 2 lessons.Nobody sticks witheverything. You cant.When the company starts laying people off, theres always one guy smart enough to immediately jump ship and preemptively geta new job.And some people are smart enough to realize, I am never going to be a great Tango dancer and should double my efforts at playing poker.And you know what results this type of quitting has? It makes you happier, reduces stress an d increases health.ViaThink Like a Freak The Authors of Freakonomics Offer to Retrain Your BrainWrosch found that people who quit their unattainable goals saw physical and psychological benefits. They have, for example, less depressive symptoms, less negative affect over time, he says. They also have lower cortisol levels, and they have lower levels of systemic inflammation, which is a marker of immune functioning. And they develop fewer physical health problems over time.You can do anything - when you stop trying to do everything.(For more on how to determine what you should stick with and what you should abandon, clickhere.)Okay, so maybe you cant bail and really do need to be resilient. What does the research say you can do to have more grit? It sounds crazy 4) Be delusionalMarshall Goldsmithdid a study of incrediblysuccessful people. Afterassembling all the data he realized the thing they all had in common.And then he shoutedThese successful people are all delusionalViaSupersurv ivors The Surprising Link Between Suffering and SuccessThis is not to be misinterpreted as a bad thing. In fact, being delusional helps us become more effective. By definition, these delusions dont have to be accurate. If they were totally accurate, your goals would be too low. Goldsmith noticed that although illusions of control expose people to risk of failure, they do something else that is very interesting they motivate people to keep trying even when theyve failed Successful people fail a lot, but they try a lot, too. When things dont work, they move on until an idea does work. Survivors and great entrepreneurs have this in common.Crazy successful people and people who survive tough situations are all overconfident.Very overconfident.Some of you may be scratching your headIsnt step one all about not being in denial? About facing reality?You need to makea distinction between denialabout the situationand overconfidencein your abilities.The first one is very bad, butthe second one can be surprisingly good.See the world accurately - but believe you are a rockstar.ViaSupersurvivors The Surprising Link Between Suffering and SuccessDenying or distorting a bad situation may be comforting in the short term, but its potentially harmful in the long run because it will be almost impossible to solve a problem unless you first admit you have one. In contrast, having an especially strong belief in ones personal capabilities, even if that belief is somewhat illusory, probably helps you to solve problems A useful, if somewhat simplistic, mathematical formula might be a realistic view of the situation + a strong view of ones ability to control ones destiny through ones efforts = grounded hope.(For more on what the most successful people have in common, clickhere.)So this is how superheroes must feel theres definitely trouble, but youre calm and you feel like youre awesome enough to handle this.But we need to move past feelings. Whatactionsare going to see you through this mess?5) Prepare even if its too late for preparationFolks, I firmly believe there is no such thing as a pretty good alligator wrestler.Who survives life threatening situations? People who have done it before. People who have prepared.Now even if you cant truly prepare for a layoff or a divorce, you can work to havegood productive habits and eliminate wasteful ones.Good habits dont tax yourwillpoweras much as deliberate actions and will help you be more resilient.How do you survive a WW2 shipwreckand shark attacks?Keep preparing for the future, even when youre in the midst of trouble.ViaSurviving Survival The Art and Science of ResilienceAs the days went by, he continued to concentrate on strategies for survival. At one point, a rubber life belt floated by and he grabbed it. He had heard that the Japanese would use aircraft to strafe shipwrecked Americans. The life belt could be blown up through a rubber tube. He cut the tube off and kept it, reasoning that if the Japanese spotted them, he could slip under water and breathe through the tube. He was planning ahead. He had a future in his mind, and good survivors always concentrate on the present but plan for the future. Thus, taking it day by day, hour by hour, and sometimes minute by minute, did Don McCall endure.One caveat as learning expertDan Coylerecommends, make sure anyprep you do is as close to the real scenario as possible.Bad training can be worse than no training. When police practicedisarming criminals they often conclude by handing the gun to their partner.One officer trained this so perfectly that in the field he took a gun from a criminal - and instinctively handed it right back.ViaMake It StickJohnson recounts how officers are trained to take a gun from an assailant at close quarters, a maneuver they practice by role-playing with a fellow officer. It requires speed and deftness striking an assailants wrist with one hand to break his grip while simultaneously wresting the gun free with the othe r. Its a move that officers had been in the habit of honing through repetition, taking the gun, handing it back, taking it again. Until one of their officers, on a call in the field, took the gun from an assailant and handed it right back again.(For more on how to develop good habits - and get rid of bad ones, clickhere.)Youreexpecting the best but preparedfor the worst. Perfect. Is now the time to de-stress? Heck, no.6) Stay busy, busy, busyWhats the best way to survive and keep your emotions in check when things are hard? Work, work, work.ViaSurviving Survival The Art and Science of ResilienceRemember the saying Get organized or die. In the wake of trauma, Work, work, work, as Richard Mollica wrote. He is a psychiatrist at Harvard who studies trauma. This is the single most important goal of traumatized people throughout the world. The hands force order on the mind.When things go bad, people get sad or scared, retreat and distract themselves. That can quell the emotions, but it d oesnt get you out of this mess.Resilient people know that staying busy not only gets you closer to your goals but its also the best way to stay calm.And believe it or not, were allhappier when were busy.(For more on what the most productive people in the world do every day, clickhere.)Youre hustlin. Thats good. But its hard to keep that can-do attitude when things arent going well. Whats another secret to hanging in there?7) Make it a gameIn his book Touching the Void, Joe Simpson tells the harrowing story of how he broke his leg 19,000 feet up while climbing a mountain.Actually he didnt break his leg he shattered it. Like marbles in a sock. His calf bone driven through his knee joint.He and his climbing partner assumedhe was a dead man. But he survived.One of his secrets was making his slow, painful descent into a game.ViaDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhySimpson was learning what it means to be playful in such circumstances A pattern of movements developed after my initial wobbly hops and I meticulously repeated the pattern. Each pattern made up one step across the slope and I began to feel detached from everything around me. I thought of nothing but the patterns. His struggle had become a dance, and the dance freed him from the terror of what he had to do.How does this work? Its neuroscience. Patterned activities stimulate the same reward center cocaine does.ViaSurviving Survival The Art and Science of ResilienceAnd tellingly, a structure within the basal ganglia is activated during feelings of safety, reward, and simply feeling great. Its called the striatum and drugs such as cocaine set it off, but so does the learning of a new habit or skill and the performance of organized, patterned activitiesEven boring things can be fun if you turn them into a game with stakes, challenges and little rewards.And we can use this same system for everyday problemsHow many resumes can you send out today? Can you beat yesterday?Celebrating small winsissomething sur vivors have in common.ViaDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhySurvivors take great joy from even their smallest successes. That is an important step in creating an ongoing feeling of motivation and preventing the descent into hopelessness. It also provides relief from the unspeakable stress of a true survival situation.(For more on how to increasegratitude and happiness, clickhere.)Youre a machine. Making progress despite huge challenges. Whats the final way to take your resilience to the next level? Other people.8) Get help and give helpGetting help is good. Thats obvious. But sometimes were ashamed or embarrassed and fail to ask for it. Dont let pride get in the way.Whats more fascinating is thateven in the worst of times, giving help can helpyou.By taking on the role of caretaker we increase the feeling ofmeaning in our lives. This helps people in the worst situations succeed.Leon Weliczker survived the Holocaust not only because of his resourcefulness - but also because he felt he had to protect his brother.ViaSurviving Survival The Art and Science of ResilienceWhen his fifteen-year-old brother Aaron came in, Leon was suddenly filled with love and a feeling of responsibility for the two boys. He was shedding the cloak of the victim in favor of the role of the rescuer. Terrence Des Pres, in his bookThe Survivor, makes the point that in the journey of survival, helping someone else is as important as getting help.Sometimes being selfless isthe best way to be selfish. And the research shows thatgivers are among the most successful peopleand theylive longer.ViaDeep Survival Who Lives, Who Dies, and WhyHelping someone else is the best way to ensure your own survival. It takes you out of yourself. It helps you to rise above your fears. Now youre a rescuer, not a victim. And seeing how your leadership and skill buoy others up gives you more focus and energy to persevere. The cycle reinforces itself You buoy them up, and their response buoys you up. Many peo ple who survive alone report that they were doing it for someone else (a wife, boyfriend, mother, son) back home.(For more on how helping others can also help you, clickhere.)So once the threat is passed, once the dust has settled, can we have a normal life again? Actually, sometimes, life can be even better.Sum upSo when life is daunting and we need resilience, keep in mindPerceive And BelieveManage Your EmotionsBe A QuitterBe DelusionalPrepare Even If Its Too Late For PreparationStay Busy, Busy, BusyMake It A GameGet Help And Give HelpTo live full lives some amount of difficulty is essential.ViaSurviving Survival The Art and Science of ResilienceRichard Tedeschi, a psychologist who treats post-traumatic stress, said that to achieve the greatest psychological health, some kind of suffering is necessary.You can meet lifes challenges with resilience, competence and grace.And when the troublesare over, science agrees what does not kill youcan in factmake you stronger.Join over 320,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.This article first appeared on Barking Up The Wrong Tree.